My Exercise In Futility

You can’t miss it…. everywhere you go… hearts, flowers, candy…. blah blah blah. My one friend would call it “Single Awareness Day”. Usually, I would maybe have myself a small pity party since I am one again single. However, this year… I am 100% happy with being single. While walking around the grocery store today I was reflecting on that notion. Thinking about last year when my sister and I found a hand written Valentine from my Father to my Mother. It was messy and hardly legible, but also the sweetest most heartfelt love letter I have ever read. Of course Kathy and I shed a few tears because we knew my Mother’s life was coming to an end. So today I decided to buy a card, some candy, and a heart-shaped cake. After I left the grocery store I dropped it all off at my Dad’s and in the card I wrote “On Valentine’s Day I wanted you know how truly blessed I feel for having grown within the presence of true love between you and Mom. Thank you”

While my growing up was no walk in the park, recognizing the love between my Mom and Dad was. Words put into action…for richer or poorer, for sickness and health, good times and bad until death do us part.  It’s not everyday one can say that. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Usually the expression goes something like, “So many things to do, so little time.” I couldn’t exactly use that as the title for this post because it just isn’t true. It seems that I have nothing but time to get so many things done. Whether I will use that time wisely or not is the question at hand.

Although I enjoy the holiday season, the rest of winter is really a pain in the ass. It is often dark outside when I have finished my work day, and the weekends fail to yield enough sunlight as well. I find myself sleeping later and I have less energy. Some may describe my mood as a mild form of seasonal affective disorder. While I wouldn’t go that far, I definitely notice the change in my behavior and mood during the winter. Add the stresses of international travel and the uncertainty of where I might be living for the next couple of years and you definitely have one stressed out and bitchy Jefferey.

It’s no question that 2010 has come in with a roar. I have been asked to consider permanent relocation to the UK / Europe. Without sounding too full of myself, I fully expected to be asked to relocate to Europe, but not until my temporary assignment completed, which was supposed to be in February or March. I found myself surprised to be asked in December while back in the United States.

This opportunity may not present itself again; I am fortunate to be doing so well professionally, especially considering that many people are still unemployed and looking for work. In lieu of an adequate offer, I have accepted relocation to London. While I am excited and thankful for the opportunity, I still feel I have unfinished life in New York City. I just know that there is more for me to do there. Only time will tell.

As my professional life continues to flourish, my personal life pales in comparison. I feel that I am unintentionally neglecting my personal relationships with friends and family while abroad. My relationships with Amazon.com or other online retailers have been used to fill the emotional void. Why do I find it easier to buy a new gadget than to pick up a telephone and catch up with an old friend? The five hour time difference doesn’t help, but that’s not a valid excuse. Maybe that’s something I can work on while wandering the streets of Paris until March.

Re-reading this post before publishing, my voice comes across as somewhat negative. I assure you it is meant to be more introspective. I am trying to make clarity from the state of limbo I feel I am in. I feel like a nomad with no place to call home. I know I am not really homeless. I have outstanding friends and family that are more than willing to share their homes with me, but it’s not the same. I have no place of my own, no personal space, nowhere to put my stuff. Living out of the same two suitcases for over five months is starting to take its toll on me.

Lilly, Kathy, and I got our Dad a dog for Christmas. This was his reaction – I think he liked it.