Marriage Equality Protest – Part 2

In Marriage Equality Protest – Part 1, I asked the question, “… are straight parents are ‘teaching’ their children to be straight and that gay parents are ‘teaching’ their children to be gay?” 

I don’t think so, but I do believe there is a definite difference on how most straight parents raise their children and how gay parents raise theirs. I think most straight parents assume that their child is straight while gay parents are more likely to not assume such an idea, and therefore usually teach their children to not to be ashamed of who they are. 

While I have no research at my immediate disposal to support my theory, my statements are based on my own experiences growing up. I can remember feeling around the time of 5th or 6th grade. I remember having a crush on a boy in my class. I’m not confusing my crush for feelings of close friendship at an early age – I definitely remember feeling very different about this boy as opposed to any other. It confused me because to this point I had always been taught that boys like girls, not other boys. 

I hid this information from my parents. My parents were born in the ’50′s, which was definitely a different time. I can definitely remember derogatory slurs being tossed around the household. I’ve heard the ‘N’ word on occasion, but I was most afraid of the word faggot, which I had also heard around the house. I knew to whom this word referred and I can only remember my parents or older siblings throwing the word around in a less than positive light.

As a result, I never spoke of my feelings for other boys. As a matter of fact, I began to think something was wrong with me, and that I needed to be fixed. I remember going through a very religious phase, going to Jimmy Swaggart ‘performances’ and becoming a Born Again Christian, thinking that somehow God would fix me. I went to church regularly for awhile, but never felt ‘fixed.’ And then there was the whole PTL scandal, and Jimmy Swaggart standing on the pulpit, tears streaming down his face as he looked up to the sky and begged for God’s forgiveness. It was then that I felt that if God couldn’t fix him, he sure as hell wasn’t going to be able to fix me. 

In the seventh grade, I remember having the biggest crush on my Business teacher at Pine Ridge Middle School – I think his name was Mr. Burton. Little did I know that Mr. Burton would be the model for all my other crushes – short, facial hair, not skinny, but not fat either – what the gay men call a bear. Anyhow, I can remember wanting to kiss him and wanting him to touch me. I wasn’t yearning for him to touch me sexually, although I wouldn’t have been opposed to the idea should it arise. It was this experience, these thoughts that I felt I couldn’t talk to my parents about, that started to make me feel even worse. 

I was so confused about my feelings for Mr. Burton that I thought I must have been born a girl. I had convinced myself that my mother and father had wanted a son for their first child so desperately that when I was born as a girl they had me sexually reassigned as a male. I swear I’m not making this up – I sought out my birth certificate certain it would expose the morbid truth. But, when I found it, I was just as disappointed as ever – I had been born male. 

Now, I’m not saying my parents scarred me for life, and I’m not blaming any of my adulthood shortcomings on my parents and how they raised me. I turned out just fine, and I am just as proud of my parents as they are of me. But, I could continue on with more anecdotes like these, and I will in Part 3. My point is that had I been a product of gay parents, I don’t think I would have gotten as far as the 8th grade and been as sexually confused and ashamed as I had been to this point. I don’t think gay parents would have thrown around the slurs regarding homosexuality that I heard while growing up. I think I would have felt more comfortable to ask questions, and I think gay parents would have told me that it’s OK to just love, no matter if it’s a boy or a girl. 

Maybe the question I will leave you with from part two is, as a parent, do you automatically assume your children are straight? If so, does this dictate how you interact with your child? Do you play sports with the boys and have tea with the little girls? Girls get dolls, boys get GI Joe’s?