Coley Is An Ass
Jeff | Sep 22, 2008 | Comments 15
Coley is my fucking roommate who won’t leave me the fuck alone. I come in sore from the gym, grouchy, and of course he has to find a way to mess with me. He sits over on his side of the couch with all three fucking couch pillows and tap tap taps away on his little BlackBerry telling everyone how bitchy I’m being. When he’s not talking about me, he’s bugging me about the food I’m eating. Every time I reach in the cupboard to find something to snack on, he asks how many calories my selection has. If you could see this jackass, you would defend me (yes, you the reader) because Coley ISN’T working out.
Nag nag nag… I’m growing tired of it. Then, when people call the house, he of course has to make rude little comments. “You can tell Jefferey’s working out again… How you ask? Because of the midnight snacking he’s doing again!” Um, at least I’m doing shit to work it off.
When this fucker isn’t bugging me about my food, he sits here and monitors me while I’m on the couch, watching and waiting for me to fall asleep so he can yell at me like my mother, “GO TO BED!” This bitch is in the bedroom ALL THE TIME, sleeping his damned life away! Quit worrying about me damn it!!
Love you, Coley! 
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Love you even more xoxoxoxo
Love you Coley!
I know this are the things he means to say, regardless of how mean he is when he says them. Just like when I say, “Shut the fuck up, fat ass!” He knows I’m really saying, “Coley, when are you going to join me on my health kick and start exercising more and eating right!”
I guess one just has to be fluent in the language of ‘bitch’ in order to understand the true meaning of our loving conversations.
f(x)=a_0+∑_(n=1)^∞▒(a_n cos〖nπx/L〗+b_n sin〖nπx/L〗 )
This is nothing compared to understanding the complex relationship between you and Coley. I am waving my white flag.
I know the answer!! me me me!! ok ok….
f(x)=have a little fun in life and not take it so seriously all the time and vote for someone who isnt gonna kick our rights back to the stone age.
Yayyy im such a good mathmatician!!!
Love
Skyy
Unlike Coley/Jeff language, which uses complicated, vulgar, and ugly communication to get their opinions known, Ricky language uses simple yet unorthodox methods to make a statement. For example, when I say, “(see my email to you),” I am really saying, Skyy, I think you’re cute. Moreover, when I tell a person, “If a line l has nonzero x- and y- intercepts a and b, respectively, prove that an equation for l is (x/a)+(y/b) = 1,” what I am trying to convey is that in order to get our country moving forward, we must vote for the McCain/Palin ticket. Finally, I would like to say, “(see my email to you),” which is to mean live a little. Life is more than night clubs and Sex and the City movies. Go to the museum and look at the wonderful art that is in New York. Go to Central Park and look at the beautiful trees that populate that wonderful area. There is a world out there. Let go of the Blueberries for a couple of hours and enjoy the present.
Much love,
Rick
Phew.
I still think the next big reality show is Life with Dembitchy and Mother Faulker.
k
Much love to all readers and posters, no matter what language they use.
I make no sense. And that’s the way I like it.
Damn dust bunnies….