My Exercise In Futility

It is finally apparent that I must forgo my $300 a month Starbucks addiction. In the past, the ends always justified the means; my Starbucks experience was always pleasant and my beverage was always tasty. In recent months, I can no longer recite such rhetoric. The experience is no longer the same.

In days of yore, I had the opportunity to interact and learn strange coffee brewing techniques from talented coffee house baristas. It was an art form, the way they would quickly grind, pack, and brew the beans while taming the ever temperamental barista machine. Now, I’m rarely even looked at by the apathetic high school student that stands in front of the robotic monster that spits out my delectable java juice.

Starbucks has fallen to the same pitfalls that I have seen in many technology companies. Remember when Gateway was popular or when you could get an english speaking technical support representative on Dell’s Technical Support line? Well, Gateway computers are no longer popular, you always get somebody from New Delhi when you call Dell for Tech Support, and it’s been too long since I’ve had a good cup of coffee from Starbucks.

For instance, I thought macchiato was an Italian word meaning “marked by.” If I’m not mistaken, Starbucks procedures would dictate that a caramel macchiato has the espresso shots drizzled or poured after the milk and froth have been added to the cup. I can’t tell you the last time I have seen a caramel macchiato made correctly.

To boot, I order a triple grande caramel macchiato 95% of the time I visit Starbucks. I have been ordering it for so long, you can see I have demonstrated the correct way to call the drink. However, assuming that your cashiers / baristas are the experts, I do not call my drink to the barista. I order as all the other commoners would. I listen to the cashier as they repeat my order to the barista. Most of the time, I have not experienced a problem at this point in the process. But somehow between fixing my $5 cup of coffee and delivering it to me, something is lost in the translation.

Some baristas hear the word “skinny” in there. They have to…I can’t tell you the number of times I have had this drink delivered with skim milk (reflecting today’s problem). Others translate a triple grande into a venti. A triple grande is not the same as a venti. I order a triple grande because the taste proportions in a properly made triple grande caramel macchiato are perfect. A venti is not the same.

Recognizing these problems during the production process, I often try to correct the barista. It’s just not worth it. As the angry crowd of caffeine deprived fanatics await their own beverages, their anger shifts towards me as I try get what I paid for! So, rather than put up with this aggravation any longer, I’m just giving up Starbucks. I will no longer try to convert my friends and make them Starbucks lovers as I once was. Instead, I think I will refer them to a funny cartoon…

http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html (Click “Small, Medium, Large” in the bottom row, second from the last.

A perfect reflection of my current attitude towards the Coffee House Giant that has failed me.